A Sermon for Myself

September 27 06 Geoff Bradford 18 comments

From May-July 2006, the church gave me a sabbatical to focus on re-connecting to Jesus and my family. It was a profoundly challenging time for me. I tend to run at a pretty high internal RPM and therefore don’t turn down the engine very well. During the summer, I realized that there are core lies that I was believing about myself, my God and the world. This “self-sermon” grew out of unmasking those lies. I know that a self-sermon sounds like preacher nerd-talk, but it was invented by Martin Luther back in the 16th century as a way to speak directly with truth to his lies. As follows is the sermon that I preached to my heart this summer:

Oh Self-respect. You have been and are such a powerful master and an enemy of the gospel.

I reveal you for what you are: you make me a slave of daily accomplishment; you chain me to the opinions of others in my performance; you fuel the machinery of my heart, always churning to produce, to improve, to exceed expectations. Your appetite consumes my time and energy. It saps the joy of relationships, it inserts agendas and lists into every category and activity of my life. It creates an internal, “endless murmur of self-reproach.

Self-respect is anti-Christ, a sworn enemy of gospel grace.

It demands self-justification. It promises rest and joy, but delivers neither one. It sits in judgment on my vocation, telling me that my ministry is fruitless, creates competition with loyal yokefellows, yields me prayerless and exhausted in self-reliant striving. It sits in judgment on my avocations—demanding improvements in hobbies and home. I belive that life is about improvement, mastery and applause.

I repent of you, self-respect.

You rob my joy and sap my strength. You would turn my Jesus from gentle savior into commanding officer. Yet I know the gospel! Jesus’ reconciling blood is mine! Standing on Jesus, I can say with Paul, “With me, it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or any human court. In fact, I do not judge myself…it is the Lord who judges” (1 Cor 4:3-4). I throw my whole self on the justice of God and through Jesus, the mercy of God. Why should I stand in the place of God? My deceitful heart would convict on false charges, because my judgment would wink at my sin and smile on my righteousness. I would falsify the record both ways.

Jesus’ blood speaks a better word! I am loved, accepted, and therefore dead to self-respect. I count myself dead to it and its chains. This means I put off:

  • Saying yes to everyone
  • Being the go-to guy
  • Getting everything done
  • The lie that tasks are more important than loving
  • Answering every call and e-mail
  • Serving up me to others
  • The need to improve
  • The question, “Am I good enough?” or “Did I do enough?”

I own these words of Richard Loveless:

“If I start each day with my personal security not resting on the accepting love of God and personal sacrifice of Christ, but on my present achievements, such arguments will not quiet the human conscience, so I am inevitably moved to either discouragement and apathy or a self-righteousness or some form of idolatry that tries to falsify the record to achieve some sense of peace. But the gospel faith that is able to warm itself at the fire of God’s love and what Jesus has done for me is the very root of peace.”

So I put on:
Satisfaction with my work, even when it is not done, not glorious, not evidently fruitful.

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” 1 Cor 15:52
Contentment with the station, circumstances and even people I am called to. “Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment.” 1 Tim 6:6

A new goal: the glory of God.

Not advancing my agenda, my church, my role, my reputation, my ministry. Just serving up Jesus and striving for his glory to become manifest.

“So whether you eat ro drink or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God.” 1 Cor 10:31

Enjoyment of others, always asking the question, “Did I love well today?”

I am a sinner who desperately needs grace. Self justification in self-respect is the antithesis of resting grace. I choose to rest on Christ. I count his gospel as my only possession: not the false promises of self-respect.

October 03 06 Matthew Smith wrote:

Geoff, self respect is something my folks taught me to have first so that I can love others better. How do I reconcile that with the fact that you are suggesting I repent of the need for self respect?

October 06 06 Geoff Bradford wrote:

Matthew: A great question. As I read the Bible, I find that it puts into question all the pop-psychology stuff about self-esteem and self-respect. Lots of people point to the quote from Jesus, “Love your neighbor as yourself” to mean that we have to learn to love self more first so that he can love others. But consider this: Is this a real issue with not loving self? I’m not trying to belittle or pretend like depression, self-loathing, etc. are not real. But the answer is not at root, that we don’t love ourselves. Consider that we are preoccupied with how others perceive us, obsess about how we look and smell, meditate on how to improve self—don’t we actually love ourselves too much? The causes of a lot of our issues are not a lack of self-love, but an inordinate self-love. That’s my problem anyway. My self-focus, my selfishness consumes me and makes it so that I don’t love others well—I don’t love other people with the same passion, obsession, and focus with which I love me. Does that help?

October 09 06 Karyn T. wrote:

Wow. Both these comments help bring clairty to see that maybe the issue is the difference between self-love (“self respect”) and proper self-value (we are all made in the image of God and that should affect how I love people). Sometimes the jargon gets mixed up and overlapped. I guess it kind of runs along the lines of the “love the sinner, hate the sin” teaching. We need to value our “self-status” (as made in God’s image) as something that never changes, but relinquish our desire for “self-love” which can (and should) be changed by God as we “rest on Christ” (Geof’s quote).

October 09 06 Susan Bertolino wrote:

I’ve read some of this in Edward Welch’s books, so I am assuming it comes from both Westminster and CCEF thinking. I probably need to read this again as I am at work and I just got Amy’s email, so I thought I would check this out. Geoff, I don’t know if I agree with you. If the focus is on self alone, then I can see what you are saying. However, there are people who have horrible self images which leads them into psychologically and even physically dehibilitating behavior. Some of these people have had their self-dignity taken away through molestation, rape, domestic abuse, emotional abuse and a constant lack of love in their lives. Selfishness can be an offshoot of this; there is a focus on MY problems, my issues, but these people are in pain and who are we to say that they are prideful when they try to find something good and redeeming in themselves so that they don’t do something that everyone will regret. Maybe we are talking about different things. But I’ve heard this argument before and for the life of me, I don’t get it, even when it is written by people more qualified than me to discuss it. There are people who hate themselves; they truly do. Do you think God wants that? If we experience the love of Jesus, perhaps some of that hate shall dissapate, but by the same token, that same hate has been firmly entrenched longer than when they may have received salvation. (only a guess.)Yes, God can work miracles, but what I have seen is that God likes to work slowly as he hones his efficency. I know: we must have faith and trust in him, but that can be excruciatingly painful for a person who is close to doing real self damage. If I misread you, my apologies. I am not talking pop psychology. I am talking about human pain, pure and simple. I hope I’ve shown respect in my reply.

October 09 06 Denise Malagari wrote:

Great post and some great follow up. Jay Adams wrote a great and gruff book called “The Biblical View of Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and Self-Image” which I would highly recommend.
Susan, I’ve found people who have been victims of all sorts of abuse do lose a lot of “self-respect” and tend to beat themselves up with the shame that has been committed against them. I don’t think the right thing to do is necessarily boost their self-respect or esteem but to help them find a proper identity. Self-respect and esteem are built so deeply on human accomplishment when true identity is rooted in a rock that is higher then I. We, as believers, need to show people who they are in Christ. People need to grasp the truth of the glorious identity we have as we are joined to Christ. That with the Holy Spirit can change everything. God wants us to understand who He’s made us to be. Understanding who we are in Christ can heal wounds even the greatest sins have dug. It is so hard to see what’s been done to people…..

At any rate awesome blog and site!

October 10 06 mike murphy wrote:

Keep in mind while reading this, the title of the post is “A Sermon For Myself” this is one person who has realized that their own struggle is with self love. It is not a sermon to the world or the church. Its look at what one guy is dealing with, right now.

October 10 06 Dave B wrote:

wow… cool to see the new website and how people are already getting into some great dialogue about relevant stuff…. self-love, one of my favorite pastimes.

the term “respect” can be ambiguous – it’s used in lots of different ways, but it seems like geoff is getting at self-focus/centeredness, narcissism, etc.

i’m with karyn on this one. we are made in the image of God… how much more glorious does it get?... our worth is inherent in that God made us. this should make us look at ourselves and others and say, “wow, God is amazing.”
BUT, i look at others and think/say, “i’m awesome because i’m awesome… you should love and respect me because i’m dave braud…”

like geoff, i want to preserve my life and reputation —- and i want you to help! here’s some insight on that: “whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.” (luke 17.33) hope the context of that passage makes sense with this issue… seems to.

October 10 06 Susan Bertolino wrote:

Mike, I understand that. In a way, all blogs are like that, be they group or individual. I have my own blog myself. I was just bringing up some points that had bothered me. I would say the same to Ed Welch and I truly respect his work. Much of pop psychology is self-orientated and it isn’t about glorifying God. But my main point is that people who have been broken by circumstances not of their own creating will have trouble viewing themselves as anything good—even the mystery called “a child of God” can be beyond them. I worked recently with a young lady who thinks God hates her because of some errors she has made. I felt the spirit using me to comfort her. But her pain was very real and legitimate. I’m not necessarlily disagreeing with the post. I just lack clarity on that issue.

October 12 06 Todd Carll wrote:

First of all, how fantastic this is that we have this mechanism to knock this important stuff around a bit and sharpen each other to think more clearly and with Christ-centered minds, and right off the bat I should say how I’m thinking how important it is constantly to define our terms, refine and distinguish, and discuss these things in these fuller comparitive ways to best convey what’s both meant and not meant. It seems that everyone has brought more clarity to and expanded the topic for the benefit of all in these ways. I think it’s cool how the Lord shows us that typically we can only get to do that when a variety of believing voices speak into a thing (kinda sounds like a “many parts – one Body” type thing of 1 Cor. 12 fame, eh?).

I love that God is always boiling things down in His Word to get us to the essence of things, dig us down to the roots, and that is the reason for the radical language of the Bible. I think some wrongly attribute it to mere poetic writing, but we would do well as the Church to reclaim that “dramatic” speech of the kind “for without me ye can do nothing.”, “I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,” “The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly wicked: who can know it?” Pretty hardcore stuff, no edges taken off, and why? Because of the stakes. Honesty that pulls no punches, and it doesn’t because it’s MOTIVATION or PURPOSE is Love. And honesty especially “tears down strongholds” of ideas that are held sacred in our particular time and boy if the self-esteem gospel (which is no gospel at all) isn’t one of those that the world loves and that a monstrous portion of the church promotes with fervor (Joel Osteen et al). Love then tells us that we must speak with boldness against it because it tells people that their hope is in something other than Jesus alone, and that’s a lie, and one with eternal consequences for the one who believes it. “Self-directed” souls – whether self-loving or self-loathing, are both, at the end of the day missing Christ. I think then that the “self-respect” Geoff is speaking of in his “self-sermon”, boiled down to it’s essense, are the universally shared sins of Pride and Fear. Are these not the sins that haunt us daily? Ours may have a different flavor as it plays out in our lives versus our self described “bald pastor with two earrings and five kids”, but at root, it’s the same ugly stuff.

So then, seeing the sin of fear and pride for what it is, is necessary but then the application of that truth brought within the Gospel word should have it’s STYLE or METHOD checked somewhat based on the mindset/condition of the hearer. There’s a need for wisdom in the believer in understanding the different ways in which each of those people (the self-loving or self-loathing) should be presented the gospel. The self-loving or self-righteous (Jesus to the Pharisees) need to hear the Law of God in it’s fullness to convict them of their pride and show them the hopelessness before a Holy God. With conviction comes the Gospel to heal. But I would suggest that it is quite possible that those who “truly hate themselves” as Susan put it, could, counter-intuitively enough, be in the best place spiritually because they are miserable and burdened by their sin and the sin around them in their lives. To this soul (like so many of the “sinners” Christ spoke to), the need to hear the soothing word of the Gospel of forgiveness is urgent as their true guilt is already felt. (making sure it’s their true guilt is a whole other topic). They shouldn’t be told that their guilt or shame is an illusion or a lie but told they need to own it before God and that Christ had paid for it in full. And ultimately, I think the Bible would tell us that we ALL are made up of varied percentages of each of those kinds of people and so this is why we need to hear God’s Law and Gospel for us constantly.

I loved Denises’ concise words on the matter after Susan’s important challenge and thought that her pointing to our “proper identity” is expanded on in this linked article where the author speaks to good and bad Christian self-esteem and the read is pretty quick.

http://www.prca.org/pamphlets/pamphlet_57.html

This link below in my opinion is awesome. It is longer and the reading needs some perserverance towards the middle but I think is fantastic and thorough on this topic. He is Lutheran and there are therefore some Lutheran distinctives that one would expect. Check them out – I hope they’re helpful.

http://www.issuesetc.org/resource/journals/v2n1.htm#Whatt

October 12 06 matthew wrote:

Man, this is great. I didn’t think anyone would be into this (the blog).

So, what is interesting to me is that Geoff is talking about struggling with an over-emphasis on “self respect”, which he personally holds as an idol in his life and the more those who love him can remind him that any respect he has (that’s worth anything at the end of the age) comes from Christ, the more that Geoff can repent and believe.

So the interesting part for me, comes when I think about my own experience with self-respect which is basically that for a long time I basically knew no respect for myself or others. I absorbed people’s attention when I could get it, and then spent most of the next day pouting that I was too intense for anyone to actually like me. (insert pre-puke shivering here) I was so obsessed with how little I deserved any respect that I held my respectlessness as a sort of valuable anti-virtue. Wha? Yeah, I know, sort of confusing, but basically I was STUCK in feeling worthless.

Then I learned a little bit of the gospel, and I became an arrogant punk, knowing it all, and that’s when I became obsessed with the possibility of finding worth and value in what I did or what I could do well (including knowing the gospel).

This was fruitless too! So to get to the point: whether I am an insufferable respectaholic like Geoff :), or incessantly doubting and bearing the weight of the family sins, I am likely to be sinning. Where is my hope then? In Jesus man! Some folks need to grow in respect for themselves as the die to the arrogant notion that they aren’t good enough for Christ’s broken body, while other’s need to barf up the arrogant notion that they have done, or can do ANYTHING except BELIEVE IN JESUS to do the good works of god for his approval (John 6:29).

Amen?

October 12 06 John M wrote:

in our culture we value self-respect, self-esteem, self-actualization. We are defined by what we make of life—-what we do, accomplish, who we date or marry, our friends, our music, our food, our art, etc. in other cultures, the self wasn’t as intense—you were your family, tribe, nation, crop, etc. now we have options to be who we want.

I think its valuable therefore for us as the church to address self-respect. However we shouldn’t address it by writing it off but rather seeing how the bible deals with it. My perception sometimes is that we treat self-respect as a vain pursuit to be done away with. “Stop obsessing over yourself, don’t be self-centered, don’t talk about yourself too much, you are bad so stop trying so hard to make yourself look good—-you shouldn’t care that much anyway.”

To me it is similar to our cultures’ hyper intense value of sex and sexuality. We properly address it by seeing how the bible deals with sex. We do not simply say the culture shouldn’t value sex so much. No, we see how powerful it is and can understand why it is out there so much. It makes sense as we look at the bible.

Anyway, i think Self respect, when postured in light of being god’s child, his brilliant treasure, is the utmost of self-respect. It is the defining moment of self-respect. You cannot have more self respect than to know what esteem you are held in gods eyes. You are restored back to the pure self-respect given to you in the garden.

When you do not know how you are regarded by the creator, you will become grossly involved in the business of trying to gain self respect in other areas by finding proof or evidence to feed your conscience—whether its accomplishment, acclaim from others, good results when you compare yourself to others, sticking out from the pack in a good way, etc.

I just don’t want to walk into a party and have no one talk about themselves. I mean, that’s boring. Its ok to tell your story, talk about what is going on. You don’t need to ask the first question to prove your self-less-ness.

October 13 06 Susan Bertolino wrote:

Thanks for the links. One I downloaded and read; I liked it. The other I couldn’t locate unfortunately. I just want to add (I know you didn’t mean this, Todd) that if I challenge a point, I do so only for the sake of the issue, never the person. I was trained in a university that specialized in this kind of rhetoric. I’ve never lost it. It serves me well in my career, but often people in other situations misread it and think it is personal. It isn’t. My question is this (not to you, Todd, but in general): when we discuss a point that a particular person raises, are we inclined to agree wholeheartedly with it because of the person who uttered or the point itself? I say this because we are followers of Jesus, in my case a very muddling one, but a follower nevertheless. Jesus wasn’t afraid of hard questions and he put himself on the line often with the religious leaders of the various Jewish representatives. It always struck me that he proclaimed the truth at all costs and wanted others to do the same. When his disciples fled, it must have made him wonder whether they followed him because of what he taught or because they felt safe when things were going well. Am I making my point? I would have walked out of Liberti in mid sermon if I felt that the truth was not being pursued because my husband and I both agree that it is our goal in life to find it. Some churches are not about truth, so they aren’t about Jesus. If I sound harsh, I don’t mean to be. But I am relentless when I need to know something, particularly in anything pertaining to my walk with God or else life isn’t worth anything. So if people blog, I will be challenging if necessary. If it causes a problem, I will cease to participate. But again, I ask: who is more important (and Geoff, I mean no offense to you at all—you may even be amused at this): the author of the post or the God he serves? I will leave it at that.

October 13 06 mike m wrote:

The Dialogue here is awesome. If someone is offended, then I think we’re on the right track. pushing peoples buttons and really asking questions that need to be asked is what we all should be doing. lets challenge each other.

Susan, asking the question and being relentless in pursuit of the truth is awesome.

My reason for posting the earlier comment was not becasue i was concerned with whether you “drank the kool-aid” or not. Rather, I thought you may be personalizing something that was not intended to be applicable to everyone.

If your (the general you, not the particular you) struggle is with not loving yourself, then geoff’s post is the polar opposite of what you are dealing with.

I think there is truth in hearing that one man (in this case geoff bradford) is too absorbed with his own performance and own identity, to see that he needs to repent of this, and love other people more than he loves himself. That truth may not be your truth. Does that make sense?

October 14 06 Mark Traphagen wrote:

First off, Susan, if I may address your last comment directly, having read this whole thread it is not my impression that anyone was challenging your right to challenge what Geoff wrote. Though he hasn’t yet responded himself (and I want to be careful about putting words in his mouth!), from all that I know of Geoff, I think he would be first to be delighted that you have had the boldness to challenge some of his assumptions. I’d bet that part of the reason he put his thoughts out there on this public forum was in the hope that there would be some challenges that would (we hope) lead to the kind of wonderful discussion we’re having here. And it hasn’t been my impression that any of the other posters have been offended by your challenges, even if they disagree strongly. But who knows; written communication of this type lacks the subtle clues of nuance and body language that often tell us the real attitude being presented. Having been an active blogger and internet forum user for several years now, I know how easy it can be to both be misunderstood and to misunderstand. The long and painful lesson for me has been to give others the benefit of the doubt (“love overlooks things”) unless it is blatantly obvious that they are being intentionally hostile. Enough about that…

Back on topic: if you want a theological take on the issue of Christian self image, you can’t do better IMHO than Prof. Dan McCartney’s (NT prof at Westminster) “Ecce Homo: The Coming of the Kingdom as the Restoration of Human Vicegerency” (http://tinyurl.com/ybl58z – PDF download). This article will take some chewing, but it does a great job of laying out the biblcal-theological basis of what it means that we are “sons of God” especially now that we are united with the Son of God.

October 15 06 Susan Bertolino wrote:

True, the written word doesn’t convey everything, and I agree with your assessment of Geoff. I am not trying to stir the pot. And I agree that the relative tone of the commentators was not meant as a challenge to ME specifically. Even if they were I wasn’t sure if others were aware of why I write as I do. Debate can hurt feelings, and I am careful not to do so, but I may not always succeed. So I chose to address it and get it out in the open. That is all. Since the conversation is turning to Geoff’s reaction, then I do agree with your assessment, but let’s be real: If Geoff were unable to handle my benign question (not even disagreement) that would say something about him. We as Christians have the right to ask questions to clarify our walk, and I believe he understands that. Since I agree with your view of him, I saw nothing wrong in what I did and I know for a fact that he did not as well. He knows me well enough to understand what my real concern was. Enough said about the preacher.

I appreaciate your recommendation. In all honesty, I have other theological questions that I would love to put to those professors, but I am unable to take classes of that calibre at that time. So all insights are very welcome. My thanks to you.

October 15 06 Susan Bertolino wrote:

True, the written word doesn’t convey everything, and I agree with your assessment of Geoff. I am not trying to stir the pot. And I agree that the relative tone of the commentators was not meant as a challenge to ME specifically. Even if they were I wasn’t sure if others were aware of why I write as I do. Debate can hurt feelings, and I am careful not to do so, but I may not always succeed. So I chose to address it and get it out in the open. That is all. Since the conversation is turning to Geoff’s reaction, then I do agree with your assessment, but let’s be real: If Geoff were unable to handle my benign question (not even disagreement) that would say something about him. We as Christians have the right to ask questions to clarify our walk, and I believe he understands that. Since I agree with your view of him, I saw nothing wrong in what I did and I know for a fact that he did not as well. He knows me well enough to understand what my real concern was. Enough said about the preacher.

I appreaciate your recommendation. In all honesty, I have other theological questions that I would love to put to those professors, but I am unable to take classes of that calibre at that time. So all insights are very welcome. My thanks to you.

Mike, I just read your comment. Thank you for that.

October 15 06 Jen D wrote:

Great discussion.

Steve Huber once said, “When God at the center, there is freedom.”

We often mistake self-love/respect with self-obsession. We will fall prey to
self-obsession til the death. But wouldn’t self-love, in its right
sense, have a higher purpose, reason, effect? "Let us fix our eyes on
Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith." (Heb. 12:2) Despite this
command we lie awake at night, rubbing the magic lamp of our life,
obsessed with our performance, pleasure, getting answers, the past,
the future, dreams of success, and the nobility of busyness and
others’ good opinions of us. Yet, the bridge is down, we will always
be alittle confused, short on answers and enough self-esteem. Let’s be
real, this does not surprise God, nor does it shorten His arm to us.
(In fact, I believe He fashioned us with this futility and yet with loving purpose.)

Our pendelum can swing too quickly- from self-doubt or disgust to
self-love and praise. Donald Miller admitted in Blue Like Jazz that he would
never kick others around the way he beats himself up. Where is the
balance? Who’s opinion matters most, as we schlepp around life and
dwell in our hearts with a mirror constantly before us? God intercedes
anyway: "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain
in my love…I have told you this so that your joy may be complete."
(John 15: 9,11) Thankfully, and clearly we are not alone with ourselves, with our holes, as we come up dry in life. His eternal invasive presence in us should
free us to be lifted out, away from all alarms, away from self-focus.

I think we should walk more lightly BECAUSE we have a mirror image always before us— neither making a small god or fierce enemy out of ourselves. May we ultimately love, respect and see ourselves as rightly as God does, and prudently, humbly aspire for the calling He has given us— caring for ourselves as others would or as He does, aspiring for the Spirit’s
power in us which can enable us to live freely (doing what we ought,
not just what we want), aspiring and fighting for our own

October 15 06 Jen DeHuff wrote:

(continued…)

fighting for vigilance and virture, as we spill out love to God, others and ourselves. Don’t deny/ignore the mirror that is always before you, but relish in God’s sweet, redemptive invasion and presence in your life- “When He is at the center there is freedom.”

Sorry, comments have been turned off for this one