Choosing Second Place

March 06 07 Geoff Bradford 6 comments

A few days ago, my sister told me that the word “priority” was never made plural (“priorites”) until the 20th Century.

Prior to the last century, common usage of the word revealed a very different view of life than we share today. It was implicit to the very definition of the word that to have a “priority” meant singularity. Only one agenda, one role, one person could go first.

Is there any wonder, then, that my sense of being overwhelmed by life, trying to keep my head above the water, being battered by battling expectations and commitments—that all flow from my expectation that I can have multiple priorities? That many things can be first? That I can excel, achieve, master several categories of life?

Jesus teaches, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33)

This teaching, in a longer discourse about our worry and God’s provision, point me to consider choosing second best, choosing second place as a spiritual disciple.

I know that sounds weird. I grew up believing that I should be the best, have the best, compete, strive, sweat. Everything in our culture and advertising teaches us entitlement and indulgence. Get the best you can. You deserve it. And as a dad, I can tell you that everyone, EVERYONE thinks that you are mistreating your kids if you don’t provide the best that you can.

So what about choosing second best?

I’m not talking just about settling for something lesser than what you want. I’m also not talking about simplicity for simplicity’s sake. I’m talking about choosing second best as an act of spiritual discipline. I know that “spiritual discipline” is about as popular as “root canal.”

What is a spiritual discipline? What does that mean? How does it work?

A spiritual discipline works two ways.

1) It is a way of creating space in your life for God. If you want to know God more, you create space in your time to listen to him in his word and talk to him in prayer.

2) It does not reflect what you feel, but what you want to feel. I want to be changed by God, but it does not just happen. I put myself in the middle of the intersection where Jesus can run over me.

In other words, it is an act of worship. It is saying, “Jesus, you are best. I don’t need the best in other areas of my life, because I will forget that you are prior, you are first.” It is downgrading your life to focus more on worship of God. Downsizing your desires, wants, pleasures.

But what about second best? As a response to this blog, I ask you to help me figure out what it means to choose second best in these (and other) areas of life:

Housing
Finances
Eating Out
Clothing
Education
Fashion
Schedule
Work
Entertainment

March 06 07 Dave Kinnaird wrote:

Well, first of all, I would say that as a “subpoint” to the first way spiritual discipline works is that it also is a way of creating space for God in the future. One way I have seen spiritual discipline “pay off” in my life is more like a savings account. As I memorize/meditate truths about God in my life in the best of times, they have a wonderful way of springing back to the surface as a comfort, command, or conviction during the worst of times. Its “chipmunk-ing” the gospel for later. (Credit: Joss Whedon). But I don’t know that automatically choosing second best in all the above categories is the same thing as prioritizing God. It seems a bit self-punishing. People get mad at me a lot because I usually try to follow the rule of thumb that when faced with a tough decision, I should do the thing I don’t want to do. The harder thing to do seems like it ought to be the right thing to do. Well, the most obvious fault in that thinking has been found in my marriage. The harder thing for me is often the choice that is less loving of my wife. Or having a difficult relationship discussion with your spouse, or anyone for that matter… that’s usually harder than leaving well enough alone. I think this is the same kind of thing. I think choosing second best is only valuable when we’re choosing second best in response to putting someone else first. Choosing second best is about loving someone else more. Kind of like last weeks sermon. Choosing second best with your schedule (ie. Leave the house a little earlier, therefore don’t get to sleep as long, or miss the last few minutes of the Eagles game, etc.) is only valuable if you’re doing that to love someone by showing up on time. If its just about punishing yourself by missing the game, then what does it mean? (UNLESS, under the “chipmunking” the gospel concept, one is depriving oneself of the pleasure of watching the end of the game in preparation for the day when we might need to love someone by missing the last 10 minutes of an Eagles Superbowl. This would be a massive reprioritization and may take some practice runs to get right.) Of the above categories, I’m the most guilty of prioritizing the pleasures of food, drink, and inhalants above others. So, what does that mean? Choosing to eat gruel, drink water, and give up cigars? Maybe… if its necessary to love someone better. But I also believe in the joy of God’s creation… including the joy of roast duck, good iced tea, and Backwoods. I guess my problem comes in testing my heart… If I can’t give up the first choice in an instant for someone else’s pleasure (which to be completely honest, I CAN’T) then I’ve prioritized myself above them.

March 06 07 Susan Bertolino wrote:

Ever since you preached that sermon on “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness”, my prayer life became something much more powerful and different because I began to think in terms of seeking God first. I always wanted to thank you for that sermon.

The word “priorities” is a upper-middle class concept of acheivement. It does not have to encourage vanity and narcissism, but it often does, especially in our children who we may see as by products of our own images. To be honest, I’ve learned not to care what others think because my son isn’t going to piano, soccer, language, voice lessons—you name it. When I pray with him at night, I ask God to let him know how much he is loved. To me, that is more important than any of that stuff that drives parents crazy as they cater to societal needs.

As for the things you listed, well if you are financially strapped, entertainment becomes reading, work may take on astronomical proportions (working 2 jobs), things like fashion, eating out are just not priorities as the finances aren’t there. I would say that housing is the next in line, then education for my son. As long as no one goes to work naked or habitually late (schedule), things should be okay. As for scheduling a million things to do, it takes us away from mindfulness and if the finances aren’t there, why bother? I guess I am just too deep into St. Augustine as I think more on the empty vanities that consume us—no one will breathe their last breath wishing they had worked more at the office.

March 10 07 Jared Williams wrote:

I think this is an important discussion to have in a society caught up in the “rat race”. We have so many opportunities to get the best of anything we want today, all we have to do is enter into a cycle of predatory debt, and all of us know how hard it is to climb out of that hole.

I see choosing the second place as freedom from the never-ending pursuit of having the newest, best, hippest things we can. It’s important to approach this as a spiritual discipline, too, because it gives us a practical way to learn that freedom.

“Seeking first his kingdom” is so very broad and “not getting caught in the rat race” is so very vague, that we need something to hold onto physically so we can learn this lesson. Choosing second best won’t immediately make us more spiritual (or even just better) people, but it gives us that space Dave mentioned so we can step back and ask what do we need vs. what we simply want (or what other people want for us).

I don’t think we’ll come to a complete consensus on this subject, but I’d love to hear how people are learning to choose second place and how God is gracefully reminding each of us what is really important in this life.

For me, choosing second place means that I am able to calm down in my pursuit of a job and trust that God has something for me, even if it doesn’t fit my idea of what would be “best” for me. It also means that I can stop long enought to really love where I am, to love Philadelphia instead of thinking about all the other places I could move. I’m not saying Philly is necessarily a lower choice, just not where I thought I would end up on this journey.

But choosing second place frees me from worrying about where I’ve ended up and lets me instead seek what God is doing here and now, where I actually am located, instead of constantly wondering what he could or would do anywhere else. I’m the sort of person who’s always looking for that new thing, though, so this is an especially good discipline for me!

March 13 07 Jen D wrote:

“I grew up believing that I should be the best, have the best, compete, strive, sweat…”

I recently heard an Oxford professor admit his secret amidst his struggle to balance career, striving for excellence in his work and creativity, writing, travelling, and family life:
Dare to be adequate. (simplicity will give definition to our priorities.) We can’t always go over the top, be the very best, go all the way. We are not superman.

In some areas, we should never settle. God does want us to desire His standard of holiness. But his best for us looks different in other areas.

Is it best that I live in the city where my ministry was? Or live in the burbs with my folks, to support them now while they have 3 friends and 1 relative dying? Or, when it comes to buying ice cream, or another CD, just because I crave it, ...or saving a few bucks and/or just passing on it— well it can’t hurt to say “no” to ourselves at least once a day, in some way or another. And, do i really need that thing I saw, anyway? I think I do. It may seem like the best, but the “best” thing may be to save for the car I’m gonna need desperately in 2 months. Yikes, self-sermon.

I am finally buying my first digital camera ever. And wouldn’t you know, I am looking at Canons. I think I may have to rethink that. I learned a lot of contentment when I moved back home to settle on non-Trader Joe’s sub-standard food (Mom I hope you’re not reading this.)

When we are truly trusting God, and we pass things up, we can’t regret it. We can’t go back. There must have been a reason we let it go.

March 16 07 carissa wrote:

i read this when you first posted it, but i’ve really had trouble thinking it through. like what susan mentioned, i’ve been forced to take second best because i’ve never had the finances to get what i might want. it’s become a way of life for me. in thinking about it, however, i’ve wondered whether i could make what i do anyway a way to worship God, or if there might be ways that don’t have to do with finances that i do seek the best for myself. i came up with a few things. for one, in the area of money, i realized that when i do have a little more, (a raise at work or a tax return) although i fulfill my responsibilities, my next priority is getting things that i want. i think of myself as generous with my money, i would give loans to friends or even gifts happily — but how convenient that i usually have no savings to give! i’ve already spent anything i would’ve given you on myself. i also came up with vanity. i don’t mind that i ride the bus, bring my lunch to work, or can’t afford tv or seeing movies. but i better have the money for hair products, make up, and clothes that are in style. that’s a priority that God probably isn’t into the way i am. what might it look like to replace worshipping looking good with worshipping God?

schedule…..i really like to just be home and chill. anytime i can sleep in, read a book, or sit around talking to my roommates is time enjoyed. i’ve found myself sacrificing that more and more for serving people or doing homework (which is teaching me how to serve people), but. i do it so grudgingly. and i do it so people will love me back and think well of me. i’m not the sort of person that’s really wired to seek prestige, but every day i find myself seeking love, approval, acceptance. so maybe here worshipping God and putting Him first would be doing the same things, but doing them to serve Him and not me.

March 26 07 jenny wrote:

I think Dave K.‘s thoughts about choosing “second best” with the end of loving others is a helpful one. I’d like to elaborate by adding that loving others and enjoying “God’s creation” are not mutually exclusive. In fact, to get really specific about this one, as Christians concerned with God’s agenda of redeeming all of creation, we should not be too quick to write off stuff like well-designed furniture, thoughtfully crafted homes and clothes, and fine art as “luxuries.” If, in fact, we believe that the church is a body with people that God has given gifts of creativity and artistic imagination, then we fail to love these brothers and sisters by giving their talents short shrift. Perhaps we should think about sacrificing in other areas to be able to afford a well-appointed room, a work of art, or tickets to a good concert. Not seeing these as “extras” but as necessities of living out the call of the gospel. Vanity can be a perversion of the love of these creative gifts, but if we are putting Jesus first in our lives, it very well may mean that we care about our hair cut and especially that we care about the artist who styles it. So Carissa, don’t think that make-up and clothes are wholly bad.

In my own life, choosing “second best” means living in a part of town where the rent is cheap, having an older used car, and scrimping every way that I can in order to serve artists by opening an art gallery. The many artists who make up our church could share a similar story. It saddens me that on the whole, the church at large tends to overlook the arts community financially precisely because of thinking of it not as a necessity but as a luxury – the first thing to go when choosing “second best”.

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