The Emasculation of Men in the Church?
November 29 06 9 comments
As the father of 5, yes, FIVE boys, I have a lot of questions about how boys become men.
More so, how they might become men of faith. Susan and I (well, more Susan) have read a bunch of books on rearing men with emotional intelligence, with leadership, with an ability to think for themselves. And it is a daunting task before us: how do we train up these young pups to be “real” men? And what does that mean anyway?
I’m always suspicious when I read descriptions of gender stereotypes from Christian speakers.
Nearly always such descriptions seem to be preferences based around the particular writer or speaker’s personal cultural background, education and tastes. Scripture speaks very little with regard to typifying genders (boys like blue, girls like pink, etc.), and a “baptized” version of someone’s preferences only makes for a higher tee at which skeptics and critics of the Christian church can take a nice big full swing at Jesus and Christianity. And that does not help anyone.
Scripture also never calls men to be more masculine or women to be more feminine. It calls both sexes to become more like Christ.
In the American church context, I have heard more than one writer remark that Christian spirituality emasculates men—makes them soft, humble, destroys their confidence in self, etc. I may have just gone to public school, but even I read something very different in the Bible. When I look at Scripture, I read of men with passion for their king and a willingness to stick their necks out for justice, truth, and righteousness. King David’s “Mighty Men” (see 2 Samuel 23 and 1 Chronicles 11) were men who risked everything for their king. The “Minor Prophets” were men with MAJOR conviction and willingness to speak about injustice and idolatry, even when it cost them their audience, their reputation, and quite possibly, their lives. Christian spirituality does not necessarily emasculate. If it does, the problem is not likely Jesus or Christian theology, but the community of faith and its willingness to let men be passive and weak.
The Church in general and liberti church in particular is full of godly women.
I’m floored by the maturity of many of the women I meet at liberti—women who run their own businesses, communicate clearly, and are not afraid to risk and lead. I have no desire to demote or downplay the role of such women in our church. Our church would not be the healthy community that it is without such capable leaders. But come on, where are you fellas? We have “a few good men” who are jumping in. Statistically speaking, however, women way outnumber men at liberti and the American church in particular.
How am I supposed to raise 5 boys in a community where more men are not lining up to be counted and considered for more spiritual leadership?
Who will be their role models? They need more than just a dad. Do you know how many messed up pastor’s kids there are out there? It is anecdotal by this point. I need other men to be spiritual leaders for my kids’ sake—to step up to the plate and take some swings at spiritual leadership, becoming other worthy models for my boys to emulate and imitate.
And where are these women supposed to find good husbands?
I’m serious. Paul says that singleness is a gift (1 Cor 7) but I would like a little more diversity in the gifts that God is giving liberti church! I would like to have a lot more weddings to do.
Finally, here goes. We don’t need you guys. God can build this church up with the leadership of the women and a few guys who are in place. But I’m calling, I’m inviting, I’m pleading. Please hear this as an invitation.
You don’t have to become your dad. Become like your FATHER.
2 Timothy 2:1 You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. 2 And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.
November 30 06 Lars wrote:
I do not think whether or not Christian spirituality emasculates men is the question at hand. Sometimes men need to be made soft, humble, and have their confidence in self destroyed. It is more a question of whose deifiniton of masculinity we should use. Our society’s definition of what man should be or how he should act is in part wrong. God also says through Paul that unless we have His Spirit living in us, then we will not understand truth. What the world considers to be wise, God considers to be folly, and vice versa (Corint 2 more or less..) Unfortunately we can’t help but let the world’s wisdom infiltrate our expectations of the word ‘man’. There is nothing more ‘manly’, or ‘womanly’ for that matter, than to lose all that we ‘have’ in ‘status’ on this earth for Christ sake so that we might gain it in eternity, as you have said the scripture guides us. We do that by acting in ways that are counterintuitive to the culture of this world. Christ’s triumph was as baffling as it gets. The Savior and King of the world is going to come to earth as a baby in a manger and die on a cross?!? That sounds crazy, unless God has given you His Spirit to help you understand. Those men who have become ‘men’ most honorably in the history of the gospel have forgotten themselves most passionately and God has honored them in allowing them to be martyred for His name. Some were martyred physically others perhaps God honored by martyring their old nature just a little bit more. As for your kids the greatest thing you can do to teach them to be a man is to be the greatest Christian you can be. The measure of respect I have for my Dad, stems from and is directly related to the measure of his faith, because this is how to measure manhood. I am fortunate to have a Christian father who is one of my role models. But he also taught me who his Role Model is by his actions, and so through grace the desire to serve the same master has translated to me. Only we don’t have to worry about that Role Model letting us down, just like as a Dad you might worry about letting your kids down because you know you are not perfect. The rest of the things that goes with being a man or a woman for that matter I think are natural. Men may have tendencies to be more diciplinarian/enforcer types and women may be more of the comforting/loving types. But these are only tendencies as our heavenly Father can give each tendency to the other if he so chooses. It is in this diversity that He has choosen to give us that we can be mystified by his plan because then he uses us in those different capacities to bring glory to his name in countless ways. As for your call to have men step up, I have heard God’s call also and have been trying to do so in my life and in Liberti.