Wisdom and Contradictions

October 26 06 slutz 3 comments

Some Lessons from 3+ years in a Church Plant

Liberti’s recent celebration of God’s faithfulness in building this church got me thinking about some of the things I’ve learned over the 3 ½ years I’ve been serving here.

Ministry is almost all process.

There isn’t a whole lot of “finished product.” One reason pastors like to preach and teach is because it’s one of the few things we can prepare, deliver, and then say “There, that’s done!” Most everything else is just one more stage in the process, and that usually means it’s messy.

Ministry is extremely demanding.

One of the things it relentlessly demands is wisdom. Wisdom is a qualification for leadership (see Solomon’s life) and service (James 3:13-18). I’ve learned, over and over, that I’m not as wise as I thought I was. I’ve been confronted by my need for wisdom time and time again. The degree of wisdom I do have is frequently insufficient for what ends up on my plate.

Ministry—often in the gray, almost always in-process—also exists in many apparent contradictions

These apparent contradictions demand Wisdom to unravel. This is why I frequently find myself praying James’ words in 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

One issue I’ve needed to grow in wisdom on, is my work & rest habits.

Making sure you both work hard and rest well sounds good in theory, but feels like an unresolvable tension in real life.

Early on at liberti, I worked hard and did a poor job of taking breaks. I didn’t have set days or times off. My schedule was chaotic, always subject to change. My weeks didn’t have a beginning or an end. That was bad for my family and it was bad for me.

I remember coming home from a Crosswalk conference right after the holidays with a new version of Madden (football video game). After a busy and hectic semester, I was due a little relief before diving back into things, right? I began spending some quality time with my video Eagles instead of catching up with the family. A few days later, Jess (my wife) threatened to break the game in half. She nearly did. That got my attention. We adjusted some things my main adjustment being that non-work time did NOT mean “me-time.”

Later that year, the other elders asked me, as we periodically do, how I was doing at the work & rest thing. Perhaps my haggard appearance gave me away. I said I was doing better at it, but not as good as I needed to. They basically told me, “Get over yourself. You are not Jesus and you have to stop acting like the weight of the world rests only on your shoulders.” (Whenever people say, “You are not Jesus…” you should listen).

So, out of both necessity and faith, I started taking a mandatory Monday Sabbath day off.

I am pretty intentional in my work, but I’m also “working” at being intentional in my rest. On Mondays, I don’t check email. I turn the cell phone off. And the only meetings I have are with God and my family

Over time, I’m getting better at managing my schedule and saying no to things. My week has a rhythm to it, and my family knows when I’ll be around. I’m able to love and care for them better than before. Not to mention, I’m able to serve other people better too.

I still need accountability.

Idolizing work is something I need close friends to ask me about. There is something very enticing about writing that one more email, browsing the blogosphere a few minutes longer, going to that extra meeting “just this once.” Not working for a whole day loosens my grip on work, and loosens work’s grip on me, so that I can talk to my wife about something other than the church, the kids, and who’s making the trip to the drug store. It’s been absolutely necessary for the ongoing health of our marriage. I also am relishing the times I get to dance around with my boys (to James Brown or something suitably funky), play drums with Sam, or roll on the floor with Micah. My days off don’t often become “Me-time,” but this Family Time is far better. If I cannot serve my wife and my family, then I should not be trying to serve the church.

I’m frequently confronted with decisions that have no obvious “right answer”.

For example: trying to decide whether to meet with someone who is going through a crisis, or going home, setting the table, and eating dinner with my family. Life is filled with these apparent contradictions. They take Wisdom, more wisdom than I possess. They take the wisdom of others, which I’m so thankful to be surrounded by in liberti & Crosswalk, particularly the other leaders. It also takes wisdom that God develops within.

There is a section in the book of Proverbs that fascinates me. Right there in the middle of the bible, there is one of these “apparent contradictions.” It’s fascinating because two versus located right next to each other totally contradict each other.

Proverbs 26:4,5 4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself. 5 Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.

This apparent contradiction is confusing.

Sometimes you’ll even hear people cite it as one of the Bible’s alleged “many contradictions”. Of course, they are completely missing the point. Proverbs—along with Job, Psalms, Song of Songs, & Ecclesiastes—is “Wisdom Literature.” Is the writer of Proverbs an idiot? No, far from it. He is making the point that sometimes the wisest thing to do is to NOT answer a fool according to his folly; sometimes the wisest thing to do IS to answer a fool according to his folly. These apparent contradictions are both true, and it takes wisdom to determine when to do one or the other. Sometimes you may find yourself doing both in the same conversation! Far from being a contradiction, it’s actually quite profound. It takes Wisdom to interpret Proverbs. And it takes Wisdom to interpret life.

I have seen some of the consequences of relying too much on my own plan and my own wisdom.

In my natural self, I think that I’m smart, and that I know how to run a successful Ministry.
I have learned how easily my “wisdom” goes off the mark, which is one way to define SIN – “Missing the mark.” Wisdom and contradiction come into the picture because life is not the ideal landscape we try to paint for ourselves.

The real contradiction, the one underneath my many apparent contradictions, is that quite often Jesus’ plan for me, and my plan for me, are headed in opposite directions. A big part of growing in Wisdom is submitting to God and letting go of my “big ideas.” Or as Solomon said, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom.” Proverbs 9:10.

Unfortunately, it’s rare for a young guy, fresh out of seminary, to latch on to a church plant as his first full-time ministry gig, as I did. I am blessed to be a part of this at such a formative stage in my ministry.

This has been a lot of fun. But it hasn’t all been sunshine and lollipops. I couldn’t have expected all challenges that I’ve faced. The last few years have been like a crash course on all the things they don’t (and should) teach you in seminary.

I’ve learned that ministry is not as black and white as I would like. An awful lot of it happens in the grey. This can be confounding and frustrating. So I’ll keep asking God for more of his Wisdom, because He is Wise, and He doesn’t wrestle with apparent contradictions that I do.

October 29 06 Susan Bertolino wrote:

I thank you for this. For all I know, it’s been up here all week and I haven’t noticed; I’ve been so bound (good word) by work. I didn’t know this was your first gig after the seminary, but coming as someone who is overlyeducated, they never teach you about the real world. It’s trial and error. Sometimes Steve, your preaching and now your posts have a frightening effect on me because I see too much of myself where I am at my weakest. Currently work is dominating my life, and I am (as is my family from the effects) from terrible insomnia as I try to meet my obligations. At first there was zeal, but now it’s just getting it done. Our jobs are dissimilar in many ways, but where I see a likeness is the fact that you never feel like you are done, and in a way, you are not. But it leads to ineffiency, not healthy productivity. My husband has said the same, not about the Eagles—Chicago Bears, baby—but on work, reading, computer, that stuff. I need to read your post again. All I know is that you spoke to me just now. Again, my thanks.

November 01 06 arlene wrote:

steve –

i appreciate your transparency (same goes to Geoff & Steve). your blog reminded me of 1 of my favorite quotes from Augustine, “You stir man to take pleasure in praising You, because You have made us for Yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in You.” St. Augustine, Confessions. I (i)

to rest in Christ, means to draw on the Sabbath. He is the Sabbath. D.M. Lloyd-Jones says, “nothing so hurts than natural man’s pride as the cross of Christ. How does it do this? … the Cross says we are all equally failures. The modern man, the natural man, hates hearing this, "we are failures.” Imagine that, it is the opposite of his cult of self-expression and belief in oneself. Or working oneself up psychologically, of trusting in self, and in his or her own innate powers. Modern man considers himself coming of age, able to stand on his own feet, with all his tremendous knowledge & might. But, there is something that demolishes it all. The cross says that it is useless and of no value at all. That is the offense of the cross on all of us.”

Only till we realize that we are incapable and see our need for Jesus, then are we able to taste and see what resting in Him means. Geoff reminded me of that in his sermon this past Sunday. As I hunger and thirst for perfection in my work, nothing will ever bring me closer to achieving it. Nothing compares to collapsing in the arms of our loving Father, and trusting in His words, “it is good.” Then, only then in Him shall I find rest.

To think, Christianity was founded in this so-called failure. A man who displayed perfect obedience on the Cross, one who in His weakness, took the cup of wrath, so that sin will be conquered.

The realization of rest is beyond physical exhaustion, but, one where we are called to trust in a Father who is all knowing. To rest is to stop fighting our own self-belief, but, to submit to His wisdom. To rest is to know that my salvation rests on His atoning work on the Cross, not my good works. Thank you for your blog, Steve. Good stuff!

November 03 06 Susan Bertolino wrote:

Arlene,

I just read your comment and it got me thinking: I don’t know how to rest in Christ. I remember someone else telling me to rest in God, and I asked her to explain that to me. She told me to read the CCEF booklet on Forgiveness. I think that is one way to rest: trust in the forgiveness of sin, without growing complacent or beginning to think that you are now without the capacity for iniquity. I often see rest as escape, and that is not what you intend to say. So this is yet another area where my worldly nature has yet to understand how to be like Jesus—through submission and trust. I know that God rested after Creation, but (forgive the possible blasphemy but it’s just my honest self), but God didn’t HAVE to create the world; he made a choice. Rest often feels impossible for me, because I see no choice but to fulfill my obligations. The times I don’t are not out of rest but exhaustion due to lack of rest. So this is all very new to me. Thank you both.

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